Who.....

After so many thoughts.. who am i referring to... who am i thinking of.. i have a blank mind.. always thought you were the first and last.. and yet you are fading.. while i don't get it.. thought i love you... maybe because the time that i waited.. the chances that passes by.. i got tired.. am i right? *i don't know the answer yet i am asking myself* i should move one and find someone better.. but i am afraid.. and though you are fading.. i still feel you around.. like you are watching me.. time flies.. doesn't it?

Predictions..

What is predictions... predict your future? predict what is going to happen before it does? so what if we did know.. what is meant to happen will always find it's way to make it happen.. you manage to avoid the first prediction what about the rest? what if after you avoid the problem and it comes back more worst then before? *is not something you can avoid.. i know i can't like him.. tried my best to not.. tried my best to avoid.. end up falling for him deeper.. now it hurts more then before.. what if i didn't avoid in the first place.. will it be better.. will i have a different ending..* now all i have is a shadow that won't fade away.. is part of my life now.. i see your shadow behind me instead of my own...

Memory

Loving you i can't do it.. not loving you i can't forget.. your name.. your face.. your everything.. is just there.. wind blows.. leaves fall.. flower bloom.. clouds pass.. sun rise.. wondering what is the meaning of love.. what does it mean.. it mean having you? wanting you? leaving you? blessing you? some say love is selfish.. some say love is giving.. what is my love towards you?.. or is that even call love.. will i ever get the answer.. what do i want? what am i waiting for? walking to the future in a slow pace.. if i walk too fast i will miss a lot of things.. but if i walk too slow.. there will be more sadness won't it.. there is no speed good enough... you will still miss something or lose something either way..

Not my choice..

You leave me before i could say no.. i didn't even have the chance to say bye.. seeing the shadow fading.. standing there thinking you will come back.. you didn't even turn when you left.. leaving me with a the sadness.. i can't run away.. tears and pain just pour down on me like rain.. cold and wet and alone.. and you are not coming back.. waiting to to say that last goodbye i didn't manage to say... years pass.. and i forgot.. that last goodbye.. i went on my way to find the path that is meant for me.. that last goodbye wasn't mine to keep, wasn't yours to take.. i left the place without turn back like you did.. leaving memories and a letter.. "goodbye"

How...

要爱，我办不到。。 不爱，又望不了。。

No!! more like i don't know

Feel fluffy... after watching that show... so fairytale.. :( the girl so pretty.. the guy so kind.. wondering what is the ending.. o.o and the other guys are funny and kind too.. hmm.. wondering who fits her best o.o.. is becoming more and more drama >~<'' feel like flying ~~ want to touch the clouds @@

lonely..

Standing some where far.. seeing how happy you are.. seeing how nature behind you look so beautiful.. like you are part of nature.. if i go it won't be the same.. but if i don't go i am hurting myself more.. i want to be able to see the beautiful world like when you are around.. you are like the only torchlight i have in the dark.. and the light is already fading.. but i use to you shining my way for me.. i don't want to be alone in the dark.. i wished you had lead me out of the dark.. but you didn't and i'm afraid to go on without knowing what's infront...

Are you happy?

Are you finally happy?.. can i walk away from you now? from now i am to walk straight and don't turn back.. i use to turning back with you behind me giving me a sad face.. now that smile is just the reason i am suppose to walk away.. i hoping that your smile won't go away once i turn back.. you look nicer with your smile. :) A smile.. it seems to be more windy now.. i can feel the nature talking to me.. like i am free.. :') truth is i am always free is just i can't bare to see you sad.. staying till i see a smile.. now that you smile.. there is no more reason for me to stay is there.. i so use to staying.. now i afraid to go..

Blank.. *~*

Think too much now mind gone blank.. gosh.. why after i learn this chess game.. MY WHOLE LIFE LIKE CHANGING!!! now the worst part is coming.. i can't see the change.. but i can feel it's changing.. == WHAT'S CHANGING!?!!? ONE DAY!! ONE DAY!! i am so going to find out how this freaking game is played!!.. i wonder how they even create a game that you can't think.. i guess it's new for me.. everything needs to think.. and this doesn't.. maybe.. i can use this not thinking to solve problems i have i guess.. but for now it's creating a BIG problems for me.. hope i get use to it soon.. brain cracking.. if i don't get use to it soon.. i am so going to have head pain everyday... thinking also hurts not thinking also hurts... WHAT IS THIS SIA!!

@@

Why is it like so hard... == where to put... how to put... how to score.. how the hell do you count.. @@ how to see.. I CAN'T THINK!!!.. am i suppose to not think just put.. ahh.. >~<'' i am so use to think where people will put before i put... BUT WHY THIS CHESS GAME SO FREAKING BIG!!! so many possible move.. how to see sia.. Balance... how to balance when i don't know how to see, how to score.. i don't even know where the hell the other person will put... this game is like teaching me to not think and just feel.. but feel what.. i can't even see if the other person attacking a not... everything in life also need think one.. suddenly ask me don't think like very impossible.. ==  how to feel... asking me to be blind? gosh this need a lot of patience.. and the best part i am running of patience... x.x

Haiz..

So many things in my mind.. >~<'' why can't i get it out.. or at least why can't you all give me a break.. stupid brain stop thinking will you.. not feeling well gosh.. brain hurts but it won't stop thinking.. == is anyone out there who have the same problem? tired.. give up.. (Brain.. you want think then go ahead i give up..) the more i try the more i remember...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I am going to wish everyone an early happy new year.. won't be around to say that on that day.. so wish everyone have a happy, healthy, wonderful, beautiful, unforgettable new year.. :) AH BAO HERE I COME!! (KIDDING XD) let's work hard a new year ahead of us.. :) HOPE THAT WISHES COMES TRUE! even if it is just a lie.. :')

GOING TO FINISH NO MATTER WHAT!!

I am so going to finish my mmv no matter what.. i won't give up or this will be unfair to my friend who help me alot :( Promised to finish it.. and i will going to take it to malaysia to complete it.. even if i lost interests in it.. even if something happen to me.. even if the world end.. FOR MY FRIEND I WILL DO MY BEST!! hope to finish it soon.. :)

Why?

Hubby (Those who know me will know who) says that someone like me.. but i don't see it.. in what way sia.. and some more i only met the person today... >~<'' hubby think too much i guess.. hmm.. i read my horoscope and this year someone is going to backstab me... I hope is not true.. not really in the mood to have this kind of things.. is not only childish and it's also tiring.. you need more strength to hate a person.. and it's hurts too if the person is close to you.. I REALLY HOPE IT DOES NOT HAPPEN!! :(

Him, him, him or him?

WHO IS THE HIM!! == so many.. == why my life like so difficult.. can give me one simple life? and why i today keep sneezing... WHO IS SCOLDING ME??? or WHO IS MISS ME?? XD aiyo... nose itchy.. have normal lessons today.. use to have celebration for chinese new year. This school seems to not have.. kind of miss secondary school when we have celebrations.. but haha not that much.. miss friends there though...

Messy.. o.o

o.o My brain is now empty.. don't really know what to write.. Thanks to playing Wei Qi (My New CCA) think too much on which move to put.. == now brain empty.. going malaysia today. :) haha will get to see those pretty fireworks AGAIN!!! XD My heart is not really stable right now.. Ah.... TT messy.. stop thinking... >~<''

Do you know.. TT

I like you do you know? I love you do you know? I miss you do you know? I want you do you know? I need you do you know? Please don't leave me.. TT bring me with you.. why you can't seem to see that i am here.. to you am i just another human being? I can't have you can i? promised myself.. 10years.. i will wait 10year.. waiting for miracle to happen...... Why am i always lying to myself.. why do i always believe you will see me one day.. when i know to fact that you can't.. and why i am just in my wonderland thinking wishes will come true..?

Starlight... :)

Starlight, Starbright, First Star I See Tonight.. I Wish I May I Wish I Might.. You Are The Only One I Think About Tonight.. You Shine My World.. You Shine Tonight.. Making My Night As Bright Light.. Starlight, Starbright.. You Know How Much I Miss You Tonight.. :( I Wish I May I Wish I Might.. Let Me Dream Of You Tonight.. You Mean A Lot To Me All Life.. I Wish I Can Keep You All Life.. But I Know You Have To Take Flight.. Please Stay For Me Alright? TT

My story :)

MY WORLD.. you can't see how prefect it is.. i can't too.. but it is perfect.. is just humans are never satisfy.. always think that god is unfair they can't have what they want.. (i am also like that) but if we see it is another way your life is perfect.. :) maybe this day might never come for a lot of people until you lost something really important.. i hope one day i can see it without losing something.. i want to use my eyes to see my life.. use my heart to feel my life... use my laughter to improve my life.. use tears to clear away useless things in my life.. i want to see my perfect life my own way.. so can everyone! JIA YOU!! :)

What are you thinking sia... ==

What the hell are you doing sia... focus on your story.. write the story not be in the story.. ><'' I will complete the story my own story.. a story that is like my dreams.. dreams are fake but then they are magical.. cause to me it happen before.. to other i am just in my wonderland.. but i am always in my wonderland and always have been.. is just no one can see the wonderland in the way i see.. a bright sun shine everyday. :) clouds bloom like flower.. rain fall like snow.. slowly disappearing and coming back again.. like memories you are suppose to remember.. and forgotten.. one day it will come back again.. if you see rain like snow it will be different... even though it came back but it brought smile to kids to adults.. a wonderful memory to keep.. even if it is sad.. it's part of you that can't be change.. and don't change it.. it's perfect as it is.. :)

What to do... TT someone tell me..

WHY IS THE SO MANY HIM IN MY LIFE!!! now please could you stay with one.. and only one.. or best thing forget him and don't like anyone else le.. make life easier.. maybe you will be happier.. wishing that there is someone out there who like me as much as i like him.. but i know it will only happen in my dreams.. if not my world has change into fairytale (fake).. now i know i am not worth this.. knowing that gods wants me to be alone.. (single) in exchange he gave me a lot of good friends.. i guess i should be thankful.. but selfishly wanting to know how being love feels like.. TT

Die... TT

I think i like someone else if not why i keep think of him.. he give me a calm feeling.. a wonderful 3 days camp.. hope to see him again.. but WTH am i thinking.. no no... stop... stop..stop.. cannot.. stay this way.. done hurting yourself again.. but why i will be think of him suddenly... what is wrong with me... TT

Once more :'(

Can i see you once more.. just once more.. and maybe at that time.. i will hug you as tight as i can before letting you go again.. will you let me do that.. will have this chances.. i can't have that chances am i right.. i am too selfish i guess.. you are just like sand.. i grab i mustn't let go.. once i let go i can't grab back the same sand again.. i guess.. that sand left i can't keep.. i have to let go.. i can't bare to let go.. but no matter what you are being blow away from my hand.. grain by grain..

Gosh... ==

I have no idea anymore.. so did i give up on (him)? or did i just like for another person? i feel like seeing that person... feeling like knowing everything about him.. what the hell am i doing? who do i like... what do i want.. who am i.. why everything is so messy right now.. i left school and promise to forget that person.. and i half way forgetting that person... i like someone else? did i? YOU KNOW IT HURTS TO LIKE SOMEONE WHO WON'T EVER LIKE YOU!!... so don't think about like anyone please.. i know i don't deserve it.. i know..

Why.... TT

Could you stop thinking.. i know.. but please make up your mind.. you know loving someone is difficult.. you are so close to giving up.. why are you liking someone else now.. i don't know cause he look like (him) or what.. but please don't because they look alike then you fall for him... THEY ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON!! GET IT!! So don't even think about it.. you will die of heartache like this.. so i beg you please stop thinking and give up on him and stop liking anyone.. PLEASE.. you know i can't take it..

SMILE!! :')

Having a new life.. It's a brand new year.. 2012.. The year where everyone thinks it's going to end... But i don't.. Even if it did end at least i know i love someone before.. and others MIGHT have love me too.. I know my family will always love me no matter what.. i know i can count on my friends when i am sad. :) I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!! Thank you for being there for me.. :) (extra*) I wont give up on him*.. I found out is not i can't.. is i don't want to.... :) Oh Well, Let God Decide Then.. :)